i broke a nail!
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
season 2006 is over...
my dear team,
before i send a scathing email to the shaw residents listserv about that gentrifing biyatch who let her dog shit in center field during our warm up, it is with great sadness yet pride that our epic 5th season draws to a close. yeah, we had pistachios, which made k-lo's day, but we still lost. as usual. johnny T single handedly prevented a shut-out with his in-the-park home run, and we scored 4 monster runs in the last inning, thanks to a whopping smack to the parking lot by our newest recruit Jason (JJ) who has come to the nation's capital to slave away at a phD, which will keep him on the team for a number of years to come. we all agreed the other team had some major steroid-taking hitters and without micah in center field making the catches and senor hospital preventing anything from getting by him we would have had a miserable time fielding.
so there you have it. thanks to all who made it a great season. last night was most likely our 75th game (khlamad has attended nearly all of them) since our first day playing against the Sea Sluggers in Silver Spring who began our history of humiliation on the field. but we never cried or complained (except for jules). bravo!
before i send a scathing email to the shaw residents listserv about that gentrifing biyatch who let her dog shit in center field during our warm up, it is with great sadness yet pride that our epic 5th season draws to a close. yeah, we had pistachios, which made k-lo's day, but we still lost. as usual. johnny T single handedly prevented a shut-out with his in-the-park home run, and we scored 4 monster runs in the last inning, thanks to a whopping smack to the parking lot by our newest recruit Jason (JJ) who has come to the nation's capital to slave away at a phD, which will keep him on the team for a number of years to come. we all agreed the other team had some major steroid-taking hitters and without micah in center field making the catches and senor hospital preventing anything from getting by him we would have had a miserable time fielding.
so there you have it. thanks to all who made it a great season. last night was most likely our 75th game (khlamad has attended nearly all of them) since our first day playing against the Sea Sluggers in Silver Spring who began our history of humiliation on the field. but we never cried or complained (except for jules). bravo!
Friday, August 11, 2006
History is Re-Written in NW DC; Softball Team Surprised, Drunk
August 10, 2006 - Home Field in Ghetto NW, Washington DC - History was recently re-written by a veteran beer-drinking/softball-game-losing team Bases Loaded who clinched a 5th inning win against notorious dominators, 12th place ranked team Natural Disasters today in the nation's capital.
"Our expectations are just about as low as the cloud ceiling," sighed Khlamad, the Bases Loaded (BL) catcher and grillmaster as he poked a chicken and garlic sausage and shooed away rats with a pair of kitchen thongs. When up at bat, innings are often pretty short for BL, as 3 outs are generally made before you have time to mustard your dog or refill your beverage. And so started the game, which featured many spilled beers and unforced errors in the field and thankfully only one post-game appearance by resident crackhead "Motormouth." Things started to turn however, a proverbial page was turned by bottom of the batting roster. Coach A fired a fine double to center field using the infamous Hammer bat with poo donut, a BL asset which made a recent re-appearance after a month of sitting in a Honda Civic Hybrid trunk. Coach was followed by two new ringers, who completed a poor late-season showing of BL regulars. Despite their lack of insurance and official spot on the roster, Barnabe "Frenchie" Schwartz and "Moustache Ride" Ethan did some significant damage to the Natural Disaster's comfortable lead.
And that's precisely when the BL fielding followed suit, and the tide turned with the weather. Some great catches by Johnny T in the outfield, and the soon to be 29 year-old K-lo at second, despite continued poor pitching and failure to throw to first by coach A. She was quickly relieved by Moustache Man and the proverbial BL freight train gained speed. "I don't think they're shotgunning enough beers," exclaimed former Natural Disasters head coach Smashley, "seriously, are these kids sober? That's so not fair" as she kicked her glove down in disgust.
BL, unaccustomed to simoultaneous success both at bat and in the field, continued their quest with reserved, nervous enthusiasm. Ass Ass coach Erika Wilson clutched her koozy and stared blankly into the distant ghetto of O street. Newest recruit Harriet Nash, visibly shaken from her recent poop scooping muttered with disdain, "I have to pee. Again." As the sun started to set on a tie game, a neon yellow ball was pitched, and thrilling base running and catches ensued. Frenchie redeemed his earlier over-run at second base by whacking a nice double. K-lo's previous "I thought you said you knew how to play?!" demands were now a moment of the past. "Bad Luck" #13 Annie got to wear the patriotic hat as a reward for a stunning double, and Unce Phatt scored the first sombrero home run of the evening as the Natural Disasters offense and defence quickly crumbled like a stale organic Trader Joe's hot dog bun.
But the final game-defining, exhilarating highlights of thursday's game came when Irishman Fletch caught a dangerous pop fly in right field holding a amply mustarded dawg in one hand. Lacking the available limbs to throw the ball in, Fletch darted to third with unprecedented speed,just barely thwarting a tag-up run to home. Clearly, BL held the upper hand of the short game, and one could imagine that hand was holding a spicy sausage, a beer and a shot of goldschalger. Quickly scrambling for last licks, BL had several chances to name a "hero." Coach A stepped up to the plate and missed, while Barnabe followed through with a double, overcoming the threats from the dugout and fear of cheese-eating monkey failure; defining the French capacity to play American ball.
Ultimately, the game was sealed by a knock-out unbelievable soaring whack to the parking lot/toilet beyond left field fence. The Natural Disaster's relunctantly accepted their fate as the ball momentarilty exited the Earth's orbit and landed somewhere far, far away. This reporter, whose heart was flooded by a tsunami of joy and tears did not note the final score of the game, but these minor details remain quite simply, insiginificant compared to the momentous evening's events. A big home plate group hug and donning of the celebratory sombrero, replete with shots of goldschlager closed a heart-warming chapter in the amazing saga of a humble softball team defined by persistence, courage and the finest, cheapest canned beer.
"Our expectations are just about as low as the cloud ceiling," sighed Khlamad, the Bases Loaded (BL) catcher and grillmaster as he poked a chicken and garlic sausage and shooed away rats with a pair of kitchen thongs. When up at bat, innings are often pretty short for BL, as 3 outs are generally made before you have time to mustard your dog or refill your beverage. And so started the game, which featured many spilled beers and unforced errors in the field and thankfully only one post-game appearance by resident crackhead "Motormouth." Things started to turn however, a proverbial page was turned by bottom of the batting roster. Coach A fired a fine double to center field using the infamous Hammer bat with poo donut, a BL asset which made a recent re-appearance after a month of sitting in a Honda Civic Hybrid trunk. Coach was followed by two new ringers, who completed a poor late-season showing of BL regulars. Despite their lack of insurance and official spot on the roster, Barnabe "Frenchie" Schwartz and "Moustache Ride" Ethan did some significant damage to the Natural Disaster's comfortable lead.
And that's precisely when the BL fielding followed suit, and the tide turned with the weather. Some great catches by Johnny T in the outfield, and the soon to be 29 year-old K-lo at second, despite continued poor pitching and failure to throw to first by coach A. She was quickly relieved by Moustache Man and the proverbial BL freight train gained speed. "I don't think they're shotgunning enough beers," exclaimed former Natural Disasters head coach Smashley, "seriously, are these kids sober? That's so not fair" as she kicked her glove down in disgust.
BL, unaccustomed to simoultaneous success both at bat and in the field, continued their quest with reserved, nervous enthusiasm. Ass Ass coach Erika Wilson clutched her koozy and stared blankly into the distant ghetto of O street. Newest recruit Harriet Nash, visibly shaken from her recent poop scooping muttered with disdain, "I have to pee. Again." As the sun started to set on a tie game, a neon yellow ball was pitched, and thrilling base running and catches ensued. Frenchie redeemed his earlier over-run at second base by whacking a nice double. K-lo's previous "I thought you said you knew how to play?!" demands were now a moment of the past. "Bad Luck" #13 Annie got to wear the patriotic hat as a reward for a stunning double, and Unce Phatt scored the first sombrero home run of the evening as the Natural Disasters offense and defence quickly crumbled like a stale organic Trader Joe's hot dog bun.
But the final game-defining, exhilarating highlights of thursday's game came when Irishman Fletch caught a dangerous pop fly in right field holding a amply mustarded dawg in one hand. Lacking the available limbs to throw the ball in, Fletch darted to third with unprecedented speed,just barely thwarting a tag-up run to home. Clearly, BL held the upper hand of the short game, and one could imagine that hand was holding a spicy sausage, a beer and a shot of goldschalger. Quickly scrambling for last licks, BL had several chances to name a "hero." Coach A stepped up to the plate and missed, while Barnabe followed through with a double, overcoming the threats from the dugout and fear of cheese-eating monkey failure; defining the French capacity to play American ball.
Ultimately, the game was sealed by a knock-out unbelievable soaring whack to the parking lot/toilet beyond left field fence. The Natural Disaster's relunctantly accepted their fate as the ball momentarilty exited the Earth's orbit and landed somewhere far, far away. This reporter, whose heart was flooded by a tsunami of joy and tears did not note the final score of the game, but these minor details remain quite simply, insiginificant compared to the momentous evening's events. A big home plate group hug and donning of the celebratory sombrero, replete with shots of goldschlager closed a heart-warming chapter in the amazing saga of a humble softball team defined by persistence, courage and the finest, cheapest canned beer.
one perspective...
In the most anticipated rivalry since Shaq and Kobe, the Natural Disasters met Bases Loaded at Ghett-O park Thursday night for their second matchup of the 2006 season! Coach A's sacrifice to the rain gods had paid off, so the bases were laid and the infield grass was combed for hypodermic needles, which had mysteriously grown about 4 inches taller than the outfield. As both teams began warming up, though, the love and smell of dog poo that was in the air began to dissipate. Uncle Phatt threw a ball over his teammate's head, hitting Nicci in the wrist--which sent her running in circles, and eventually to Damian! Fortunately, EMT Blake had just arrived to the scene, and he dressed Nicci's wounds, while Cap'n Smash poured her a cold Miller Lite. Who says Disasters aren't troopers!
With the rest of the players beginning to trickle in, we decided once again to share the 3rd base dugout between both teams. The sacred "home run sombrero" and beer bong were hung on the chain link with care, with hopes that beer chugging soon would be there. Bases Loaded's Khlamad, with help from former Special Forces bada$$ Damian, got the fire going on the non-starter charcoal grill, while the bug spray was passed from player to player. As the coals started glowing, so did the Disaster bats, who lead off the first inning with a single by Deena and RBI double by Yier. After scoring 3 runs, the Disasters were off to a great start! Bases Loaded responded by barraging Yier with fly balls in left field, but were held to only one run by the bottom of the first.
The second inning was when all the fun began. Cap'n Smash, who played in flip flops the whole game, shotgunned a beer at home plate, then beat the throw to first for a single. Next Damian and Deena knocked in singles, followed by Yier, who dribbled an RBI to the pitcher. Hoping he could don the sombrero, Blake crushed a blow to the outfield, but couldn't beat the throw at home, and was tagged out. No sombrero for you! Nevertheless, he had knocked in two more runs, and by the bottom of the inning the score was 7-1. Leading off, Bases Loaded put their new recruit up to bat, who we nicknamed "French Geronimo." At first Francois tried to drag bunt down the 1st base line (don't they all?), then overran second base! "Next time use the Meeshell Smith bat," the Disasters taunted!
In the top of the third inning, Chuck decided to finally put the beer bong to good use. He wolfed down a cold one in 1.9 seconds and then jacked a pitch right to the fence. (The Disasters will employ this tactic in the tournament, by the way.) With one more run on the board, and the smell of brats settling in, the evening was turning out to be pretty good. The beer was obviously helping, because our defensive skills that inning were remarkable. Alicia made an awesome one hop grab in right field, and Deena had two outs at second. Then Derrick made an Alfonso Soriano-like catch, sprinting halfway across the outfield to snag a well-hit fly ball. "I can't believe the ball stuck right in my glove!" he exclaimed. "I'm just glad the Disasters chose not to trade me after all," he stated in a press conference after the game. Shortly thereafter, Derrick agreed to a 5-year contract extension. Keeping the Bases scoreless in the 3rd, an 8-2 lead made us (the 10th ranked team in Congsoftball!) a little too comfortable, though. In the 4th inning, Bases Loaded began their comeback, lead by their shortstop John who clobbered the ball to the outfield fence. 4 runs later, the score was nearly tied! But by the bottom of the 4th, the chicken brats and veggie dogs were finally ready for consumption. Hopefully this would give our team the much-needed sustenance to hold off the hungry, albeit winless, Bases!
With darkness setting in by just the 5th inning, it was time to switch to the yellow ball. An easy 3-up, 3-down order was all it would take to seal the victory. Cap'n Smash turned around and gave batter Kristy her butt as a target at third base, which she nearly actually hit with a rip down the third base line! Just two batters later, their third base coach Fletch "Bill it to the Underhills" had another line drive to left field. Then, when argumentation ensued over who should be the cutoff man, the Disasters finally lost their composure. The Bases had set fire to their bats all of a sudden, with hit after hit after hit! Finally, when big man Uncle Phatt hit a 3-run homer to the fence, the last nail had been put in the coffin. Calling the game on account of errors, um, I mean darkness, the Disasters admitted defeat to the mighty Bases. Final score 10-13!
Both teams retreated to their cozy third bases dugout, where we polished off the brats and beer and toasted Goldschlager shots! After the tournament, we'll be playing a final time, hopefully at the end of September. Keep your calendars clear for the "Jules Rules" game, which promises to be the best showdown yet!
Thursday, August 10, 2006
50% chance of rain...100% chance of getting loaded
rain rain, bitch! go away!
Bases Loaded has a big game today
i know humidity's good for my curly hair
can't you just go to Ohio, i hear there's a drought over there
our cigarettes and beer, they're gonna be all soggy
and our outfield, it's already marshlike - almost boggy
i bought 50 hot dogs and healthy whole wheat buns
for us to eat while we score (very few) home runs
our opponent is missing their best player (wagner!)
which will turn our team into a Natural Disaster slayer
a rainout tonight, would just be a bummer
because, we haven't won a single game all summer
ok, unless you count two forfeits and that game in may
that you guys won while coach A was away
seriously y'all, i haven't had a beer all week!
ok..i'm lying, i know sobriety makes you weak.
tonight is the return of big man uncle phatt
who in his electric car, has our sombrero and super special bat
k-lo is carrying a beer bong, bases on the metro
let's hope they don't get stolen at gunpoint in the ghett(r)o
our lady infield has perfected the "bend and flip"
around the horn, calling safe at second? oh they'll give you some lip
with our awesome pitcher, i hear she's packin' heat
throwing all strikes tonight, no balls, a most noble feat,
tonight i have a few ringers, some good swingers can't hurt
seriously, these guys are gonna raise the terror threat alert
because cooker jules and chris, well they have to work
in their kitchens (planning weddings?), dishwashers going' bezerk
ned and sue they're off to grad school
out drinkin' with co-eds, getting phDs to make them cool
so please just for now, clear up the sky
and let our dugout and home plate mud dry
what will it take, human sacrifice?
for the rain to cooperate, just play nice?
i offer you Joel, who plays third base,
we've got tons of cuter girls who can take his place
still, you just can't stop the BL studebaker freight train,
we'll still go out and get drunk, if it really starts to rain
location to be determined, i say: the red roof inn!
or perhaps my brother's place? if they let us in
so i'm going to log into NOAA's weather.gov
checking the radar, please show BL some love!
i'm begging you look, i'm down on my knees
won't you stop the drizzle from 6 tp 9pm, pretty please?
Bases Loaded has a big game today
i know humidity's good for my curly hair
can't you just go to Ohio, i hear there's a drought over there
our cigarettes and beer, they're gonna be all soggy
and our outfield, it's already marshlike - almost boggy
i bought 50 hot dogs and healthy whole wheat buns
for us to eat while we score (very few) home runs
our opponent is missing their best player (wagner!)
which will turn our team into a Natural Disaster slayer
a rainout tonight, would just be a bummer
because, we haven't won a single game all summer
ok, unless you count two forfeits and that game in may
that you guys won while coach A was away
seriously y'all, i haven't had a beer all week!
ok..i'm lying, i know sobriety makes you weak.
tonight is the return of big man uncle phatt
who in his electric car, has our sombrero and super special bat
k-lo is carrying a beer bong, bases on the metro
let's hope they don't get stolen at gunpoint in the ghett(r)o
our lady infield has perfected the "bend and flip"
around the horn, calling safe at second? oh they'll give you some lip
with our awesome pitcher, i hear she's packin' heat
throwing all strikes tonight, no balls, a most noble feat,
tonight i have a few ringers, some good swingers can't hurt
seriously, these guys are gonna raise the terror threat alert
because cooker jules and chris, well they have to work
in their kitchens (planning weddings?), dishwashers going' bezerk
ned and sue they're off to grad school
out drinkin' with co-eds, getting phDs to make them cool
so please just for now, clear up the sky
and let our dugout and home plate mud dry
what will it take, human sacrifice?
for the rain to cooperate, just play nice?
i offer you Joel, who plays third base,
we've got tons of cuter girls who can take his place
still, you just can't stop the BL studebaker freight train,
we'll still go out and get drunk, if it really starts to rain
location to be determined, i say: the red roof inn!
or perhaps my brother's place? if they let us in
so i'm going to log into NOAA's weather.gov
checking the radar, please show BL some love!
i'm begging you look, i'm down on my knees
won't you stop the drizzle from 6 tp 9pm, pretty please?
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Monday, July 10, 2006
what your coach does all day
you're probably asking yourself, man, this coaching business is puppy chow, what the hell does coach A really do all day? because i know you think i'm just coasting downhill now, as all the games are lined up, fletch got the permits, y'all bringing fine cheap beer by the dozen, but no. NO. you need to know that the varied daily duties of email shittalking keep me busy almost every hour of nearly every day, for there is no rest for the provoker!
when a new game and a new team are on the horizon, my first step is research. who are these losers? have we played them before? did we win? are they cute? what weaknesses can we exploit? what are their ideological leanings? and so on and so forth.
then comes the email composition stage, replete with puns and insults, clever antecdotes from current events, all necessary to thwart our enemies. what greeting should i use? is "hey scumbag, i hear you losers are under investigation" inappropriate? will any f-bombs prevent my email from reaching the @senate.gov domain?
then, i must talk up our assets: our most awesome scoring history, the sombrero, our hot cute tank tops, and our third base coaching prowess, Joel, all to instill both fear and awe in the potential opponents.
then, i must excite the team, enthrall bases loaded with fantasies of victory, hot lawyers, tube steaks and post-game libations.
now of course, don't think there aren't any consequences from this daily strike...because they are many: the death threats, the unwelcome advances from team captains (shudder), the "please take me off this list" responses...
all in a [government] day's work!
as such, the past few weeks have seen more shittalking than ever. faced with rain cancellations, the rumours of non-roster ringers, the increased political friction hovering over the capitol, ned leaving (tear), my bold statement declaring to the other 169 team captains that Bases Loaded is the "hands down cutest" team in the league may have gone too far. yes, i did say we play in bikini bottoms and tight tank tops and lots of mascara, where our cuteness is only surpassed by our near-perfect excecution of the bend and snap. um, and in a reply-to-all haste i did liken the guys on our team to "male cheerleaders," the post-high school metaphor to describe losers who get to hang out with all the hot chicks, but that we'll still crush them because our girly men are the finest third base coaches around.
that being said, this next game has a lot at stake.
for one, we are playing for champion of the universe, total supreme league hotness, eternal bragging rights and well, if we lose we have to give them Joel.
so come on out, look hot ladies, and WIN! do it for the team, do it for Joel.
when a new game and a new team are on the horizon, my first step is research. who are these losers? have we played them before? did we win? are they cute? what weaknesses can we exploit? what are their ideological leanings? and so on and so forth.
then comes the email composition stage, replete with puns and insults, clever antecdotes from current events, all necessary to thwart our enemies. what greeting should i use? is "hey scumbag, i hear you losers are under investigation" inappropriate? will any f-bombs prevent my email from reaching the @senate.gov domain?
then, i must talk up our assets: our most awesome scoring history, the sombrero, our hot cute tank tops, and our third base coaching prowess, Joel, all to instill both fear and awe in the potential opponents.
then, i must excite the team, enthrall bases loaded with fantasies of victory, hot lawyers, tube steaks and post-game libations.
now of course, don't think there aren't any consequences from this daily strike...because they are many: the death threats, the unwelcome advances from team captains (shudder), the "please take me off this list" responses...
all in a [government] day's work!
as such, the past few weeks have seen more shittalking than ever. faced with rain cancellations, the rumours of non-roster ringers, the increased political friction hovering over the capitol, ned leaving (tear), my bold statement declaring to the other 169 team captains that Bases Loaded is the "hands down cutest" team in the league may have gone too far. yes, i did say we play in bikini bottoms and tight tank tops and lots of mascara, where our cuteness is only surpassed by our near-perfect excecution of the bend and snap. um, and in a reply-to-all haste i did liken the guys on our team to "male cheerleaders," the post-high school metaphor to describe losers who get to hang out with all the hot chicks, but that we'll still crush them because our girly men are the finest third base coaches around.
that being said, this next game has a lot at stake.
for one, we are playing for champion of the universe, total supreme league hotness, eternal bragging rights and well, if we lose we have to give them Joel.
so come on out, look hot ladies, and WIN! do it for the team, do it for Joel.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
recap: BL vs. notorious DOC losers. verdict: john sucks
As promised, this interminable email is dedicated to john's thrilling 4th inning pop-up drop and all-around pretty crappy hitting. we hope some negative criticism will help get his glove back on track.
so it was a beautiful afternoon in crapitol hill, with local spectators eagerly watching from their porches - especially big phatty in right field, anybody catch a glimpse of that guy? the sun: warm, the grass: soft, the field: tiny. bases: hungy for a win, and on top of their game...for the first inning at least. the small field made for some interesting strategy, as anything over the fence was an automatic out - so it was all about precision and, in my case especially, laying off my monster swing...we scored 3 runs in the first with some breakneck speed base running, and savvy base coaching. there was drama in their outfield clouded with specacular 4 person collisions and bloody lips - a problem BL thankfully never has to worry about.
our fielding, in contrast was top notch, lots of great plays by annie at second, awesome catches by master fielder tom C, and ned. big props to team Canada - my special guest Jamie, who scored a few triples, played a great first base (which erased his big fumble in the outfield) and did some excellent base coaching, calling me safe at first when i totally wasn't. that's right, learn from the Canadian, John! oh, and billy: you're a lazy bum who needs to get off that bench more often.
so then i really had to pee and made a big puddle near some garbage cans and mooned some old lady and that's precisely when our luck changed...we stopped scoring, DOC didn't and managed to pull ahead. barely. but they were a fun bunch nonetheless - we hit the union pub afterwards and they actually tried to bet on some hockey trivia with Jamie. what were they thinking? those losers owe us a bucket of buds. they just might be worthy of the 4 team mini-tourney in august...especially if they bring their first baseman, who was totally cute, but then again he's an intern barely pushing 23 with no future ever since he messed up his first attempt at securing a field on the mall and ruined his chances of getting any positive letters of recommendation....we'll still keep them in mind. tho.
but here is some more exciting news for ya - watch the Daily Show feature on the softball league succession by the republicans. check it out.
and finally, FLETCH IS THE MAN! we will be buying all his drinks for the rest of the season as he was able to swoon the lady at Park Service into getting us permits for Bundy field (5th and O NW) for pretty much every game this season - including the next one, wednesday june 28th. it must be those freckles!
so it was a beautiful afternoon in crapitol hill, with local spectators eagerly watching from their porches - especially big phatty in right field, anybody catch a glimpse of that guy? the sun: warm, the grass: soft, the field: tiny. bases: hungy for a win, and on top of their game...for the first inning at least. the small field made for some interesting strategy, as anything over the fence was an automatic out - so it was all about precision and, in my case especially, laying off my monster swing...we scored 3 runs in the first with some breakneck speed base running, and savvy base coaching. there was drama in their outfield clouded with specacular 4 person collisions and bloody lips - a problem BL thankfully never has to worry about.
our fielding, in contrast was top notch, lots of great plays by annie at second, awesome catches by master fielder tom C, and ned. big props to team Canada - my special guest Jamie, who scored a few triples, played a great first base (which erased his big fumble in the outfield) and did some excellent base coaching, calling me safe at first when i totally wasn't. that's right, learn from the Canadian, John! oh, and billy: you're a lazy bum who needs to get off that bench more often.
so then i really had to pee and made a big puddle near some garbage cans and mooned some old lady and that's precisely when our luck changed...we stopped scoring, DOC didn't and managed to pull ahead. barely. but they were a fun bunch nonetheless - we hit the union pub afterwards and they actually tried to bet on some hockey trivia with Jamie. what were they thinking? those losers owe us a bucket of buds. they just might be worthy of the 4 team mini-tourney in august...especially if they bring their first baseman, who was totally cute, but then again he's an intern barely pushing 23 with no future ever since he messed up his first attempt at securing a field on the mall and ruined his chances of getting any positive letters of recommendation....we'll still keep them in mind. tho.
but here is some more exciting news for ya - watch the Daily Show feature on the softball league succession by the republicans. check it out.
and finally, FLETCH IS THE MAN! we will be buying all his drinks for the rest of the season as he was able to swoon the lady at Park Service into getting us permits for Bundy field (5th and O NW) for pretty much every game this season - including the next one, wednesday june 28th. it must be those freckles!
Thursday, June 01, 2006
june 1 recap
judging from the magnitude of my hangover when i awoke this am, the mix of pbr and meat and peanuts in my mouth, i honestly questioned myself, for a split second....did we win last nite?? i mean, i remember sitting at chief ikes with my BL cup talking to john about the rally panties - no wait, the rally nipple clamps - and some really great hitting by pretty much everyone - micah with a 3-run RBI whack, first time-swinging-since-church-league justin trainwreck, chef duo chris and jules, even me! my drunkenness erased any other notable swings, sorry. our fielding was awesome too, making lots of catches and awesome infield plays. some aggressive base running, and i did a k-lo style tag-up to steal home - i left way early, but only to stick it in the other team's face...ugh, don't remind me of the other team.
the other team was typical: a bunch of non-drinking losers who got a batch of batting gloves on sale (did you see all the chicks wearing two? they still sucked) and somehow managed to mate and produce viable offspring. seriously, their third base coaching was pathetic. but you know what? this streak isn't going to last long, i promise you. especially since i leave for canada today, leaving the team in the very capable (and delicately manicured) hands of my ass and ass ass coaches, k-lo and erika. justin hospital and i will be floating on a houseboat in the victoria harbour and we expect to hear the roar of BL home runs 3 time zones away. no really, we usually win when i'm out of town.
take care, and keep swinging - except at the fireplace, jules
-coach A
the other team was typical: a bunch of non-drinking losers who got a batch of batting gloves on sale (did you see all the chicks wearing two? they still sucked) and somehow managed to mate and produce viable offspring. seriously, their third base coaching was pathetic. but you know what? this streak isn't going to last long, i promise you. especially since i leave for canada today, leaving the team in the very capable (and delicately manicured) hands of my ass and ass ass coaches, k-lo and erika. justin hospital and i will be floating on a houseboat in the victoria harbour and we expect to hear the roar of BL home runs 3 time zones away. no really, we usually win when i'm out of town.
take care, and keep swinging - except at the fireplace, jules
-coach A
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Bases Loaded and Bob Dole
My fellow team mates,I want you all to know that your concerns are always forefront in my mind, on and off the field.
As such, when meeting the honorable senator Bob Dole on saturday night, the topic of bases loaded, and everyone's constitutional right to get loaded and play ball was the spotlight of the discussion. we chatted at great length about the evils that limit our freedom each and every wednesday...the difficulty in getting field permits, restrictions on alcohol in public places and schools, as well as the new low calorie/low carb frenzy that is attacking the very core of our souls: the taste of canned malt beverages. as he shook my left hand, clucthing his pen with his right, he promised, along with his bodyguard/chauffeur, wilbert, to do his best to bring the plight of bases loaded to the hill and to the forefront of our nation's political agenda.
i invited him to our next game, but he wasn't sure he could make it, i think he's going to be in vegas. again.
always fighting for you,
coach A
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
BL breaking news
big news:
first, the game tomorrow is at our home field (5th and O).
bring MEAT AND BEER
secondly...
FOX NEWS & THE DAILY SHOW WITH JON STEWART AIRING COVERAGE OF OUR LEAGUE!
The Memorial Day weekend Fox New Edge will distribute a piece to its 187 outlets across the nation about our league and the new House Softball League. Also, Comedy Central's The Daily Show with Jon Stewart will air similar coverage of both leagues the week of June 4th...exact day not yet known, but I will update everyone. Jon has one of our league ID cards, whose crew taped games from both leagues...should be a funny piece...
i don't know why jon stewart did not get recruited to Bases Loaded, that's just preposterous.
first, the game tomorrow is at our home field (5th and O).
bring MEAT AND BEER
secondly...
FOX NEWS & THE DAILY SHOW WITH JON STEWART AIRING COVERAGE OF OUR LEAGUE!
The Memorial Day weekend Fox New Edge will distribute a piece to its 187 outlets across the nation about our league and the new House Softball League. Also, Comedy Central's The Daily Show with Jon Stewart will air similar coverage of both leagues the week of June 4th...exact day not yet known, but I will update everyone. Jon has one of our league ID cards, whose crew taped games from both leagues...should be a funny piece...
i don't know why jon stewart did not get recruited to Bases Loaded, that's just preposterous.
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
tax court, everyone's friend
so the game started out with a quick explanation of what tax court is really about "we're your friends, we're on your side, really" and they were. not nearly as douchey as metro all-stars, and not as alcoholic as the natural disasters, they still gave us the best game of the season yet. the inning scores were kept low, we had a few 3 up 3 outs in the field and pretty much everyone made it on base (except me). i still think they cheated, even though they miscounted their runs to our benefit...we warded off inconsistent rain until the 6th inning, when we were greeted by a rainbow and divine sunlight to really get the train rolling. phatt brought his electric car/stereo behind home cage and rocked the BL soundtrack to clinch it...as "eye of the tiger" echoed through the 5th street alley we rocked out a classic 2 out rally to tie the game! alas, the 7th inning was not so kind, and we retreated to the deep underbelly of the red roof inn. not a bad post-game bar, i'll say. we filled the place, and i was in awe at the sea of bases loaded jerseys, gabbing and mingling, and totally ignoring the wannabe johnny cash performing on the mini stage. i'm glad tax court joined us for some brews and grub, and after making fun of them all these years, i'd say they're not half bad. and even though their pitcher sucks, we can all agree that he's a hottie. anyone get his digits?
join us next week for a mostly unhot team, the beefy DC renovators. same place, same time.
coach A
join us next week for a mostly unhot team, the beefy DC renovators. same place, same time.
coach A
Monday, May 15, 2006
game this wednesday - 5/17
got a game this wednesday at our totally awesome home field. just a few blocks past the ghetto giant, at 5th and P NW. bring beer, meetcha in the shady cage.
we're playing our old rivals, the U.S. tax court! i know all your guys paid big cash to the IRS last month, so come hungry for bloooooood. Let's score some runs and put last week's disaster behind us. You know their old jeans-wearing first baseman catch catch anything!
game starts at 6:30 pm on the field, and ends at the Irish Channel at the Red Roof Inn in Chinatown...
give me a heads up if you are in or out so i can decide if we need to recruit from the 6th street alley.
-coach A
we're playing our old rivals, the U.S. tax court! i know all your guys paid big cash to the IRS last month, so come hungry for bloooooood. Let's score some runs and put last week's disaster behind us. You know their old jeans-wearing first baseman catch catch anything!
game starts at 6:30 pm on the field, and ends at the Irish Channel at the Red Roof Inn in Chinatown...
give me a heads up if you are in or out so i can decide if we need to recruit from the 6th street alley.
-coach A
Friday, May 12, 2006
Thursday, May 11, 2006
losing is still fun. even when the other team CHEATS
well it's no wonder this team has been calling me to play every year. they were looking for batting practice...but you know what? we turned it around on them, and used it as our fielding practice...sorta.
our first inning was strong. strongest! we rocked out two runs, made tons of great plays and saw the fragile seams on their team start to unravel. they were yelling at eachother, getting all stressy - bad mojo, dude. and they only had three girls, to our seven, losers! but as we got drunker (thankfully) they just started peppering our outfield with these crazy huge hits for what seemed like hours. it wasn't until they all started batting lefty and walked to the bases instead of running that we got a break.
and now for the hi-lite reel: thanks to billy and ned for bringing yet another level of dissidence to the team - smokin' in the outfield. jules packed the heat at pitch, and was relieved by joel who attempted some amazing dusty feats at first. ever notice whenever joel plays there's always some dust storm around him and his shirt, by the end is just filthy? love it. ryan was a no-show, but khlamad was there! erika had the erika inning, putting down all three outs at short. k-lo had a super sweet jumping jack out at second and there was an awesome double play right at the end. kim kicked the krap outta first base. sarah and sue rocked some hits, representin' 9th floor SSMC IV! unlucky annie proved why she's number 13, and ran her legs out the first inning...ice those thighs, girl!and i, i played just about every position and sucked at all of them. yes, i have to work on my grounders, i know. so there you have it, another astounding loss for BL, but ya know what? i had a good time. the weather was beautiful, our sideline was full of laughter, and the metro all-stars are lame old fogies so there.
i love how khlamad and i kept putting them down the whole way home, khlamad doing fabulous renditions of their captain: "how many outs? oh jeez. they only have 2 runs? oh jeez." and going on about how we should won and coulda if they didn't cheat so darn bad, isn't that always our problem? every team in this league is full of cheaters!
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
funny email of the day
yeah sure not a problem. So i am taking Kim, Sue, Ryan and Khlamad.
Ryan- Can you call Khlamad so you can meet him at the same location
(Wisconsin and East-West) and I will pick the two of you up there at
530-540p.
sarah
Friday, May 05, 2006
first game rocked the cazbah
A warm gentle Thursday, the leaves dangled delicately in the early may evening air at the wonderfully bumpy Bundy field. There were two dugouts enclosed in secure cages, and an executive decision was made to merge team dugouts into one cage party in the shade. And it was exactly that. Music blaring, beer drinking, hanging out, with a minor distraction every few minutes from the softball field, a change in cage population every inning. oh right, we are playing a game here people!
Did anyone even notice K-lo’s spectacular 1st inning catch and a whip throw to first to get some dude out, which she further punished by saying, “I didn’t even throw it that fast.” There was a fantastic outfield collision between micah and ned – I swear, it’s the first time TWO Blers have ever even been close to catching an outfield pop-up. Sue caught a pop-fly at home plate which we all agreed kicks khlamad out of catcher position. Jennie made her debut there too, and also had a few successful whacks. All we need is to work on her sprint, as it only took her about 3 gazelle steps to reach first base. Our other new recruits Fletch (6-4 with the afro) and Billy T showed their mad skills on the field and the flip cup table and we welcome them.
So yeah, we held strong for the first inning, we hit better than ever, had some great plays….but I don’t think we ever scored again and the natural disasters started to get drunker…and better. Their alien thirdbaseman was unstoppable. Phatt thinks he may have hatched from another softball playing planet, or perhaps a cyborg sent back in time. We may never know. My personal favorite highlight though, was when pitcher jules shapiro, pitched to their dave shapiro who then popped out to right field and caught by this shapiro. The triple shapiro motzah ball shutdown!
When the 5th inning finally came around, no one knew what inning it was, it was sorta getting dark, there was a rumour that were out of beer and panic started to spread. We tried to play an inning with a bright yellow ball but it proved futile, as ball color didn’t change the fact that we were all seeing double. I threw to phatt and I could see his fuzzy distant gaze and his brain thinking, “come one big glove, please, big glove…” Somehow we managed to make it to My brother’s Place, where we were shunned to the private party room, a fancy affair with smooth jazz, evidence that they are trying to clean up their image. We promptly soiled it.
Khlamad helped himself to some beer from behind the bar, we turned up the tunes and the flip cup commenced. The Natural Disasters proved their superiority at drinking, too. Man they fucking suck. That guy chuck is unstoppable. even by his wife...honey don't drink so much...I shall organize a team flip cup training. I tried to chug a beer at asylum afterwards and I was just useless. Though Micah, your cup flipping proved a weak link – get practicing.
So there you have it. An extremely enjoyable first game, we're actually not that bad! we've just got to get our groove back, and we have the whole season to do so...
Did anyone even notice K-lo’s spectacular 1st inning catch and a whip throw to first to get some dude out, which she further punished by saying, “I didn’t even throw it that fast.” There was a fantastic outfield collision between micah and ned – I swear, it’s the first time TWO Blers have ever even been close to catching an outfield pop-up. Sue caught a pop-fly at home plate which we all agreed kicks khlamad out of catcher position. Jennie made her debut there too, and also had a few successful whacks. All we need is to work on her sprint, as it only took her about 3 gazelle steps to reach first base. Our other new recruits Fletch (6-4 with the afro) and Billy T showed their mad skills on the field and the flip cup table and we welcome them.
So yeah, we held strong for the first inning, we hit better than ever, had some great plays….but I don’t think we ever scored again and the natural disasters started to get drunker…and better. Their alien thirdbaseman was unstoppable. Phatt thinks he may have hatched from another softball playing planet, or perhaps a cyborg sent back in time. We may never know. My personal favorite highlight though, was when pitcher jules shapiro, pitched to their dave shapiro who then popped out to right field and caught by this shapiro. The triple shapiro motzah ball shutdown!
When the 5th inning finally came around, no one knew what inning it was, it was sorta getting dark, there was a rumour that were out of beer and panic started to spread. We tried to play an inning with a bright yellow ball but it proved futile, as ball color didn’t change the fact that we were all seeing double. I threw to phatt and I could see his fuzzy distant gaze and his brain thinking, “come one big glove, please, big glove…” Somehow we managed to make it to My brother’s Place, where we were shunned to the private party room, a fancy affair with smooth jazz, evidence that they are trying to clean up their image. We promptly soiled it.
Khlamad helped himself to some beer from behind the bar, we turned up the tunes and the flip cup commenced. The Natural Disasters proved their superiority at drinking, too. Man they fucking suck. That guy chuck is unstoppable. even by his wife...honey don't drink so much...I shall organize a team flip cup training. I tried to chug a beer at asylum afterwards and I was just useless. Though Micah, your cup flipping proved a weak link – get practicing.
So there you have it. An extremely enjoyable first game, we're actually not that bad! we've just got to get our groove back, and we have the whole season to do so...
Monday, April 24, 2006
BASES LOADED SEASON OPENER
Thursday May 4th. 6:30pm!
we're playing our old friends, Natural Disasters from Rep. Ken Calvert's office.
Location is Bundy Field at 5th and P streets NW!!! SEE YOU THERE
we're playing our old friends, Natural Disasters from Rep. Ken Calvert's office.
Location is Bundy Field at 5th and P streets NW!!! SEE YOU THERE
Thursday, April 20, 2006
BASES LOADED 2006 Schedule
the team page is here. you can see stats, scores, schedule...
there is also a link to this on the left side of this here blog, right down there....you see it?
cool.
there is also a link to this on the left side of this here blog, right down there....you see it?
cool.
Bases Loaded 2006 HH @ Cue Bar
Hey Folks!
a successful happy hour last night at Cue Bar. I am still reigning champ of the ping pong table, we helped fight breast cancer (thanks for the free mammograms, Tim A), and we have a full roster of kool kids. Check out some more pictures of last night here. looking forward to our first game on may 4th and some pong rematches!
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