BL unpredictably wins, then loses

well it certainly was a roller coaster out there folks.

grunley showed up with a meager 7 guys and a bunch of girls in jeans who wouldn't pee in the alley, but had to go to the Giant which delayed the game significantly. we sported our new shirts and trucker hats (we looked gooood) yet worried that we didn't have a full team. but when the all-girl infield (except for adams) set up the first inning, there was a smell of estrogen and winning in the air.
they scored a meager 3 runs in the top of the first, and then came a powerhouse BL like no one's ever seen. the great thing about having a small roster is that you get on base. a lot. and that's how you get SEVEN. STRAIGHT. RUNS. our beer cooler was full, our mouths watering with wasabi peas, our demeanor: quite positive, yet their heckling - poignant.
we managed to pull another few innings of total crushage. they dared not throw any more comments at Chris as he pounded 2 homers. Jason followed suit with a beauty full of bases. Billy shows up late and whacks it into the outfield with his hearty laugh. then Adam, then Barnabe, then Khlamad, our slew of ladies. like a freight train.
in the field, we were unstoppable. third base rookie lisa had first asked "how does one play third base?" and it was clear she was born with the skills. the super height and snazzy cutoffs jeans helped too. Barnabe made some crazy catches in left field and with his sideways hat, we concurred: "is that justin hospital out there?" in right field Billy swooped in for an amazing catch that almost took out Jason, but it was funny.
our amazing 11 point lead for the first 6 innings should have taught us to end the game there, but no, we opted for a 7th and that's when lady luck went to solly's without us. the other team ran out of beer, and we let motormouth into the dugout. it messed with our mojo! i was trying to pitch but all i could hear was "cooliwenttocollegeyocanyoudig? i'mWILDabouthtecaucasiangirlsyocheckoutmydebitcard" and while the other team sobered up, we sank down into a rut from season 4 and there we were, 10 runs down. so sad.

nevertheless, we made it to solly's with a team we deemed good enough for our end of year tourney, and had Danzig resonating from the jukebox.

diagnosis: losing is fun

So Steve described it pretty accurately last night: "you know, even when we lose, it's still really fun."

indeed.

what started off as a rather classy affair with brandon's sushi bar on the bench turned into a bit of a BL slaughter.

the competition was tough, what with their endless supply of balls and home run hitters to launch them into Ward 7.

The competition was also quite fierce for "mascot of the game" between lila the blue-eyed dog and tug the pug. you be the judge.

But in the game we only did what we could, have a little double plays here and there, some fumbles, some great catches, the profession of joel's secret love for Carli and peppered comments about their steroid use and low sperm count. it wasn't until after the game that i realized the old guy hanging around their dugout was their coach's dad. thankfully, i also found out he's a bit hard of hearing. whew!

also a big kudos for the only BL home run of the evening by our own by upcoming rookie of the year Adam, pictured here, drinking the pain away (he was heard mumbling "Jessica" and "Bhutan" between sips).

He was also very considerate in not putting it over the second fence, so the ball was recovered. But the no talent Az clowns really showed their true colors by overestimating our run count, and then meeting us at the bar afterwards. there was a tower of pbrs waiting for us upon arrival, nice people indeed. even though k-lo admitted there were none worthy of her phone number. ouch!

it's a winning streak people

if you happened to be hanging around the alley at 5th and O streets NW last night, you might have noticed something unusual. verrrry unusual. and no, i'm not talking about the police officer with the adorable little pug in his cop car. there was this softball team, called Bases Loaded and they were catching softballs, and hitting them, and scoring runs. of course there were 20 of them to the other team's 9. but still. a double play? am i making this up?! it was out of this league, out of this world! we all got on base! well, except for k-lo who had two pop flys to third...but then again she might have scored a home run with glover park guy after the game...hehehe? did i just write that? oh snap!

BL shocks nation with its first win of the season

You heard it right here, folks, Bases Loaded did some winnin' last nite!

The Natural Disaster's did a lot of complaining, that we didn't share dugouts, that we didn't have our all-women infield, that we didn't have a grill, that we gave them faulty gloves...but the sham worked! we played with their minds (we actually knew the rules about forcing to second), Joel had a succsessful NOONAN! that made their ladies man drop a fly, and then we had a typical 2 out rally that sent them packin'. it was definitely unusual BL, we had an all-star infield with John at short who stopped pretty much everything (throws left a little to be desired), Steve shut out third, Annie who caught one with her boob, and Fletch and Adam on first who, when put together are almost one Uncle Phatt :) and some rotating pitchers...newcomer Tim is looking goood..Matched by the A-team outfield with Micah and Barnabe, who both ended one inning all by themselves. Then came the hitting...some nice whacks by all, Barnabe had an in the park home run when we needed it, and Jessica slammed one over second and raced to first before they knew what happened. final score: 13 to 12. take that!

and then we smeared our victory all the way to Solly's, drank a pile of pbrs and earned ourselves some new Ts. if you didn't get your size and style choice to me, better do it fast (you have a choice of ringer T, 3/4 baseball sleeve, long sleeve or cap T for the ladies).
so let's keep up the good work and repeat the same next week. same time, same place, it's OUR field now, btw. motormouth is spreading the word. we're going to have a field crew and an electric scoreboard, you'll see...so far we've lined up a boombox that comes with a guy in a wheelchair.

so go ahead, tell your co-workers you're a winner. you earned it.

resolutionaries...

ok, so BL already made it clear that we don't like playing against people who:

-don't drink anything but gatorade
-don't appear to have fun (except when they're cruising around the bases. jerks)
-have the bare minimum number of girls who sortof look like dudes
-who set up a crappy bumpy field
-pitch total garbage
-and just launch softballs into outer space.

weak.

anyway, if it makes them feel better, when the winning team nestled into bed at 8pm, that they beat a bunch of (hot) half-drunk ladies and some dudes who were out downing pitchers of miller lite or was it budweiser? like champions. at around 10pm, i noticed my pee was totally clear. that's healthy! and that's why we drink cheap beer, people.

i broke a nail!

i broke a nail!

third base coach

da bench

shopping for bases

annie's tongue face

post game libations "we suck" utters jules

monument side loss...

BL hits the mall

season 2006 is over...

my dear team,

before i send a scathing email to the shaw residents listserv about that gentrifing biyatch who let her dog shit in center field during our warm up, it is with great sadness yet pride that our epic 5th season draws to a close. yeah, we had pistachios, which made k-lo's day, but we still lost. as usual. johnny T single handedly prevented a shut-out with his in-the-park home run, and we scored 4 monster runs in the last inning, thanks to a whopping smack to the parking lot by our newest recruit Jason (JJ) who has come to the nation's capital to slave away at a phD, which will keep him on the team for a number of years to come. we all agreed the other team had some major steroid-taking hitters and without micah in center field making the catches and senor hospital preventing anything from getting by him we would have had a miserable time fielding.

so there you have it. thanks to all who made it a great season. last night was most likely our 75th game (khlamad has attended nearly all of them) since our first day playing against the Sea Sluggers in Silver Spring who began our history of humiliation on the field. but we never cried or complained (except for jules). bravo!

History is Re-Written in NW DC; Softball Team Surprised, Drunk

August 10, 2006 - Home Field in Ghetto NW, Washington DC - History was recently re-written by a veteran beer-drinking/softball-game-losing team Bases Loaded who clinched a 5th inning win against notorious dominators, 12th place ranked team Natural Disasters today in the nation's capital.
"Our expectations are just about as low as the cloud ceiling," sighed Khlamad, the Bases Loaded (BL) catcher and grillmaster as he poked a chicken and garlic sausage and shooed away rats with a pair of kitchen thongs. When up at bat, innings are often pretty short for BL, as 3 outs are generally made before you have time to mustard your dog or refill your beverage. And so started the game, which featured many spilled beers and unforced errors in the field and thankfully only one post-game appearance by resident crackhead "Motormouth." Things started to turn however, a proverbial page was turned by bottom of the batting roster. Coach A fired a fine double to center field using the infamous Hammer bat with poo donut, a BL asset which made a recent re-appearance after a month of sitting in a Honda Civic Hybrid trunk. Coach was followed by two new ringers, who completed a poor late-season showing of BL regulars. Despite their lack of insurance and official spot on the roster, Barnabe "Frenchie" Schwartz and "Moustache Ride" Ethan did some significant damage to the Natural Disaster's comfortable lead.
And that's precisely when the BL fielding followed suit, and the tide turned with the weather. Some great catches by Johnny T in the outfield, and the soon to be 29 year-old K-lo at second, despite continued poor pitching and failure to throw to first by coach A. She was quickly relieved by Moustache Man and the proverbial BL freight train gained speed. "I don't think they're shotgunning enough beers," exclaimed former Natural Disasters head coach Smashley, "seriously, are these kids sober? That's so not fair" as she kicked her glove down in disgust.
BL, unaccustomed to simoultaneous success both at bat and in the field, continued their quest with reserved, nervous enthusiasm. Ass Ass coach Erika Wilson clutched her koozy and stared blankly into the distant ghetto of O street. Newest recruit Harriet Nash, visibly shaken from her recent poop scooping muttered with disdain, "I have to pee. Again." As the sun started to set on a tie game, a neon yellow ball was pitched, and thrilling base running and catches ensued. Frenchie redeemed his earlier over-run at second base by whacking a nice double. K-lo's previous "I thought you said you knew how to play?!" demands were now a moment of the past. "Bad Luck" #13 Annie got to wear the patriotic hat as a reward for a stunning double, and Unce Phatt scored the first sombrero home run of the evening as the Natural Disasters offense and defence quickly crumbled like a stale organic Trader Joe's hot dog bun.
But the final game-defining, exhilarating highlights of thursday's game came when Irishman Fletch caught a dangerous pop fly in right field holding a amply mustarded dawg in one hand. Lacking the available limbs to throw the ball in, Fletch darted to third with unprecedented speed,just barely thwarting a tag-up run to home. Clearly, BL held the upper hand of the short game, and one could imagine that hand was holding a spicy sausage, a beer and a shot of goldschalger. Quickly scrambling for last licks, BL had several chances to name a "hero." Coach A stepped up to the plate and missed, while Barnabe followed through with a double, overcoming the threats from the dugout and fear of cheese-eating monkey failure; defining the French capacity to play American ball.
Ultimately, the game was sealed by a knock-out unbelievable soaring whack to the parking lot/toilet beyond left field fence. The Natural Disaster's relunctantly accepted their fate as the ball momentarilty exited the Earth's orbit and landed somewhere far, far away. This reporter, whose heart was flooded by a tsunami of joy and tears did not note the final score of the game, but these minor details remain quite simply, insiginificant compared to the momentous evening's events. A big home plate group hug and donning of the celebratory sombrero, replete with shots of goldschlager closed a heart-warming chapter in the amazing saga of a humble softball team defined by persistence, courage and the finest, cheapest canned beer.

one perspective...

In the most anticipated rivalry since Shaq and Kobe, the Natural Disasters met Bases Loaded at Ghett-O park Thursday night for their second matchup of the 2006 season! Coach A's sacrifice to the rain gods had paid off, so the bases were laid and the infield grass was combed for hypodermic needles, which had mysteriously grown about 4 inches taller than the outfield. As both teams began warming up, though, the love and smell of dog poo that was in the air began to dissipate. Uncle Phatt threw a ball over his teammate's head, hitting Nicci in the wrist--which sent her running in circles, and eventually to Damian! Fortunately, EMT Blake had just arrived to the scene, and he dressed Nicci's wounds, while Cap'n Smash poured her a cold Miller Lite. Who says Disasters aren't troopers!

With the rest of the players beginning to trickle in, we decided once again to share the 3rd base dugout between both teams. The sacred "home run sombrero" and beer bong were hung on the chain link with care, with hopes that beer chugging soon would be there. Bases Loaded's Khlamad, with help from former Special Forces bada$$ Damian, got the fire going on the non-starter charcoal grill, while the bug spray was passed from player to player. As the coals started glowing, so did the Disaster bats, who lead off the first inning with a single by Deena and RBI double by Yier. After scoring 3 runs, the Disasters were off to a great start! Bases Loaded responded by barraging Yier with fly balls in left field, but were held to only one run by the bottom of the first.

The second inning was when all the fun began. Cap'n Smash, who played in flip flops the whole game, shotgunned a beer at home plate, then beat the throw to first for a single. Next Damian and Deena knocked in singles, followed by Yier, who dribbled an RBI to the pitcher. Hoping he could don the sombrero, Blake crushed a blow to the outfield, but couldn't beat the throw at home, and was tagged out. No sombrero for you! Nevertheless, he had knocked in two more runs, and by the bottom of the inning the score was 7-1. Leading off, Bases Loaded put their new recruit up to bat, who we nicknamed "French Geronimo." At first Francois tried to drag bunt down the 1st base line (don't they all?), then overran second base! "Next time use the Meeshell Smith bat," the Disasters taunted!

In the top of the third inning, Chuck decided to finally put the beer bong to good use. He wolfed down a cold one in 1.9 seconds and then jacked a pitch right to the fence. (The Disasters will employ this tactic in the tournament, by the way.) With one more run on the board, and the smell of brats settling in, the evening was turning out to be pretty good. The beer was obviously helping, because our defensive skills that inning were remarkable. Alicia made an awesome one hop grab in right field, and Deena had two outs at second. Then Derrick made an Alfonso Soriano-like catch, sprinting halfway across the outfield to snag a well-hit fly ball. "I can't believe the ball stuck right in my glove!" he exclaimed. "I'm just glad the Disasters chose not to trade me after all," he stated in a press conference after the game. Shortly thereafter, Derrick agreed to a 5-year contract extension. Keeping the Bases scoreless in the 3rd, an 8-2 lead made us (the 10th ranked team in Congsoftball!) a little too comfortable, though. In the 4th inning, Bases Loaded began their comeback, lead by their shortstop John who clobbered the ball to the outfield fence. 4 runs later, the score was nearly tied! But by the bottom of the 4th, the chicken brats and veggie dogs were finally ready for consumption. Hopefully this would give our team the much-needed sustenance to hold off the hungry, albeit winless, Bases!

With darkness setting in by just the 5th inning, it was time to switch to the yellow ball. An easy 3-up, 3-down order was all it would take to seal the victory. Cap'n Smash turned around and gave batter Kristy her butt as a target at third base, which she nearly actually hit with a rip down the third base line! Just two batters later, their third base coach Fletch "Bill it to the Underhills" had another line drive to left field. Then, when argumentation ensued over who should be the cutoff man, the Disasters finally lost their composure. The Bases had set fire to their bats all of a sudden, with hit after hit after hit! Finally, when big man Uncle Phatt hit a 3-run homer to the fence, the last nail had been put in the coffin. Calling the game on account of errors, um, I mean darkness, the Disasters admitted defeat to the mighty Bases. Final score 10-13!

Both teams retreated to their cozy third bases dugout, where we polished off the brats and beer and toasted Goldschlager shots! After the tournament, we'll be playing a final time, hopefully at the end of September. Keep your calendars clear for the "Jules Rules" game, which promises to be the best showdown yet!

Ethan brings home the win (with tongue!)

Johnny T and tongue

Uncle Phatt's scores the night's first sombrero

50% chance of rain...100% chance of getting loaded

rain rain, bitch! go away!
Bases Loaded has a big game today
i know humidity's good for my curly hair
can't you just go to Ohio, i hear there's a drought over there

our cigarettes and beer, they're gonna be all soggy
and our outfield, it's already marshlike - almost boggy
i bought 50 hot dogs and healthy whole wheat buns
for us to eat while we score (very few) home runs

our opponent is missing their best player (wagner!)
which will turn our team into a Natural Disaster slayer
a rainout tonight, would just be a bummer
because, we haven't won a single game all summer

ok, unless you count two forfeits and that game in may
that you guys won while coach A was away
seriously y'all, i haven't had a beer all week!
ok..i'm lying, i know sobriety makes you weak.

tonight is the return of big man uncle phatt
who in his electric car, has our sombrero and super special bat
k-lo is carrying a beer bong, bases on the metro
let's hope they don't get stolen at gunpoint in the ghett(r)o

our lady infield has perfected the "bend and flip"
around the horn, calling safe at second? oh they'll give you some lip
with our awesome pitcher, i hear she's packin' heat
throwing all strikes tonight, no balls, a most noble feat,

tonight i have a few ringers, some good swingers can't hurt
seriously, these guys are gonna raise the terror threat alert
because cooker jules and chris, well they have to work
in their kitchens (planning weddings?), dishwashers going' bezerk

ned and sue they're off to grad school
out drinkin' with co-eds, getting phDs to make them cool
so please just for now, clear up the sky
and let our dugout and home plate mud dry

what will it take, human sacrifice?
for the rain to cooperate, just play nice?
i offer you Joel, who plays third base,
we've got tons of cuter girls who can take his place

still, you just can't stop the BL studebaker freight train,
we'll still go out and get drunk, if it really starts to rain
location to be determined, i say: the red roof inn!
or perhaps my brother's place? if they let us in

so i'm going to log into NOAA's weather.gov
checking the radar, please show BL some love!
i'm begging you look, i'm down on my knees
won't you stop the drizzle from 6 tp 9pm, pretty please?